Center Stage

Knowing your worth empowers you to keep pushing because your life has a greater meaning. Own it and pull yourself to center stage.

Why did God let all these bad things happen in my life? I will never be good enough so what is the point of being obedient? Look at how far I must climb just to be level with everyone else. Does God even really care about my minuscule meaningless life? Even if he does care, look at all the bad things I have done. How can I ever be worthy of even a glance from God?

These are just a few of the questions and thoughts that have run through my mind over the years. I have struggled with feeling like I was born into the cheap seats. I was born miles away from the starting line and had to fight and claw my way constantly proving that I deserve to exist. Like I am not worthy of love and goodness if I wasn’t constantly proving myself as the best.

In my book Ketchup Sandwiches I share some very raw thoughts I had when I was 17. On page 234 I explained my feelings to my therapist, Maxine.

“It’s like I have this feeling that I need to be better, smarter, more sarcastic, more talented than everyone else to justify my existence.”

Overcompensation is not always a negative thing. In many ways overcompensation helped me. It made me a better student, a better athlete, and pushed me to excel. All those things helped me to climb out of the hole I was born into. But overcompensation is a double-edged sword.

The same ways I felt I needed to push myself in school and sports I felt I needed to push myself socially too. I needed to be the most sarcastic, the most talented, the most outgoing to justify my existence. I constantly felt my past clinging to me like a neon cloak letting everyone around me know that I am less than. So, I pushed and often came off as obnoxious and overly confident.

It took me a long time to learn that as long as I was seeking my worth through the approval of people and world status, I would never feel worthy. As I matured in my relationship with God I learned the true meaning of worthiness.

Worthiness is a theme throughout the bible. The Old Testament links worthiness closely with obedience to God’s law. In the New Testament worthiness is fleshed out and explained through grace and forgiveness given by the death of Christ.

All of that is all well and good, but what does taking control of your worth really look like? It all boils down to obedience. Once I accepted God’s grace I committed to living a life according to God’s commands. Obedience is how I show the world that the holy spirit is living with in me.

The seasons where I lived according to my own will I have found myself struggling physically, financially, and emotionally. Choices have a way of snowballing. When I make one bad or selfish choice it becomes easier to make the next selfish choice. But when I am spending my time and making choices based on what is pleasing to God, I find myself energized and in a snowball of success.

Now, I know that on the surface what I am saying sounds a lot like good thoughts and fairy dust. Like bad things and bad circumstances will disappear once you submit and live a faithful life. That is not what I am saying. A Christian Walk is full of trials, illness, hardships, and devastation. What I am saying is that once you know your worth and understand who you are in Christ it is easier to find the grit and fight to get through the tough times because you have an end game.

Knowing your worth empowers you to keep pushing because your life has a greater meaning. Own it and pull yourself to center stage.