Sticks and Stones

The problem is words have so much power.

You ever have one of those conversations where you find yourself saying something along the lines of "Logically, in my head I know that's not the truth, but I can't make my heart feel the logic."? I have. Too many times, I have had internal conversations trying to get my head and heart to line up. The problem is words have so much power. Even more power when the voice behind the words is from someone you love.

Words can make their way deep into my brain and hide till I almost believe I have forgotten them. Some words lay dormant for years tricking me into thinking they have relinquished their power over my heart. Then, just as I am finding my confidence and dipping my toe into a positive forward moving place, those dormant words reappear letting pain and doubt ripple through me.

All it takes is a small ripple of doubt to make me pause. One moment of pause is all that is needed to grow a small ripple into a large paralyzing chasm in my brain. Then all of my forward movement comes to a screeching halt. I know, I know, they are just words.

Today, the words I am fighting are "I am not sure how much of an impact what you are doing will make, but...." I have been hustling and pushing to maintain my schedule, get my regular work done, take care of my family and my health, and market Ketchup Sandwiches. A few months back I had a conversation with someone I love and who I know loves me and she said something along the lines of how proud she was I wrote my book even though she was not sure it would have the impact I thought it would.

This person has, on more than one occasion, talked about how sad my book is, and that people will not really want to read it. This tells me that this person has not read the book in its entirety. Which is totally ok. I know some of the content of my book is difficult and upsetting, especially for someone who knows me personally. Unfortunately, if the book isn't consumed in its entirety, then the reader misses the overarching theme of healing and how I was able to move through all the things that happened to become the person I am today.

So, what is the big deal, why are these words creating a chasm of doubt for me. Honestly, it's because I am tired and juggling my life as a wife, mother, employee, and writer is a lot. So, when I go to make time to write or market these words have been bouncing around my brain. All I have been thinking lately is "Well, no one really cares. I am not going to make a difference. So, why am I pushing myself so hard?".

The words were not said to me in malice or to derail me. I know the heart of the person who said these words and I know her intentions, but all that knowledge does not take away the power those words have held in me. Today, I am breaking free. I do believe that in sharing my story and continuing to push my message out to the world I can make a difference. I feel called to stay the course and so I will.

As a final thought, I want to encourage us all to be careful with our words. Even something said in passing or as a joke can inflict pain or doubt. We all have the power to encourage or decimate with our words.