Not Mine to Save

Sometimes, for me, the love I have for people can make me want to launch into action and fight their battles.

Sometimes, for me, the love I have for people can make me want to launch into action and fight their battles. I want to take away all of their struggles and remove suffering from their lives. One of the biggest lessons I have learned as an adult is to listen to someone, I love to talk about their struggles without launching a full-scale rescue mission.

Obviously, there are times when a rescue mission is needed. More often than not me launching into action has been premature. As much as it can suck there are so many times when we have been allowed to go through a stormy season of life because God needs us to learn a lesson. The unfortunate and really crappy things are their certain lessons we need to learn that we can only learn once we have experienced pain or loss.

Something I have talked at length about with my husband is, how do I sit and watch people I love struggle? How do I let someone I love fall and potentially get hurt? My husband is always good to respond with something along the lines of "because you are not in control". What a hard reality to swallow. I am not in control. There are seasons when I have to say it again and again to keep that reminder front and center.

Lately, I have been letting go and letting God. Giving up and acknowledging that God is the only one who can save the people I love has lifted this huge weight off my shoulders. Relinquishing control has allowed for me to see how much me trying to save the people I love was putting myself in peril. Of course, there are times when I am tool for God to use in His rescue mission. In those times it is important that I keep my perspective in knowing that I am only a tool not the savior.

Military life has brought many struggles to myself and my family, but by far the greatest struggle is distance. I have had to sit on the outskirts of my family and watch as they deal the ups and downs of life. So many times, I have prayed that God will bring my family closer to home so we can be of more assistance. Every single prayer to bring us home has been answered with silence.

In the beginning I was really frustrated that God left me there in the silence. Then I began to hear the "not now" that rested in his silence. Then prayers changed from request to be moved closer to what do you want me to do prayers. The more I opened myself up to God's plan the more I was able to hear him asking me to give him control. Let go and trust that he will work things in his time and in his way.

My heart still gets tied down in moments of pain when I listen to someone tell me how they are struggling and the ways they are hurting. Hearing their hurt still tugs on me, but now the tug is to hit my knees and pray. Many times, my prayer is asking God if I can help that places me in a position to do so. Prayers are not always answered the way my human heart wants.

When unanswered prayers lead into moments of disappointment and my savoir complex surges, I have to remind myself who is in control. Storms are needed to forge endurance and test faith. They are not mine to save.